The Unexpected Answer to Classroom Discipline

It's All About Connection

Jul 26, 2023

As the dawn of a new school year approaches, it's more than just classrooms and lesson plans awaiting our attention. It's the opportunity to set the stage, not only in the physical realm but also in the mindset we cultivate. Are you truly ready?

Starting Out

Early in my teaching career, I was told: “You’re not their friend” and “Start strict.” The idea? It's simpler to relax later than to regain lost authority. But years in education taught me that dominance shouldn't be our goal. It's possible to maintain high standards without being authoritative and distant. Think about your favorite teachers. Did they maintain structure and control without being distant and domineering? Starting with rigid rules can set a tone of stress and anxiety. Is that the classroom atmosphere we truly desire?

What I Wish I Had Known

In my early days of teaching, I overlooked a vital ingredient in classroom success: creating a genuine, welcoming environment. Reflecting on my experiences, here are some key revelations:

The Essence of Welcoming:

Imagine hosting a progressive dinner, where you often entertain guests you might not know well or at all. Would your first interaction with them involve a barrage of rules? “Take your shoes off at the door, find your seat, read over the house rules. Once everyone's here, we'll dive into the details of each dish, the timeline, and the consequences of not adhering.” That hardly sets a warm and welcoming tone. Likewise, in our classrooms, starting the academic year with stringent rules and a syllabus can overshadow the primary objective: making students feel genuinely welcomed and starting the journey of building lasting connections.

Edutopia: Relationship Building From Day One

The Golden Rule

Remember to put yourself in your students' shoes. If you were stepping into an unfamiliar home, unsure of your surroundings and the people within, how would you want to be greeted? The answer often lies in simple gestures of warmth and understanding. Engage with your students using a reassuring tone and language, mirroring the kind reception you'd hope for in an unfamiliar place. This creates a foundation of trust and eases initial anxieties, setting the stage for a productive and harmonious classroom environment. The principle of treating others as you want to be treated extends to your students as well as your friends and colleagues.

Building Essential Connections

Imagine consistently attending events, be it a charity gathering, a continuing education class, or even routine staff meetings. You see familiar faces, yet interactions barely go beyond cursory nods and scripted pleasantries. It's an isolating experience, feeling more like an observer than an active participant. Now, translate this feeling to a classroom. Many students face this daily experience, entering rooms where connections aren't nurtured.

The first moments for students in a classroom can be overwhelming, akin to a daunting maze. Just as we, in unfamiliar social settings, instinctively search for a known face, students seek that sense of belonging from the outset. We mustn't underestimate the power of providing immediate anchors—through a task, a discussion, or pairing them with familiar peers. Anticipating their needs isn't merely thoughtful; it's fundamental.

By the end of September, the realization that many students remain disconnected from their peers isn't just concerning—it signals missed opportunities. Would you engage in a group where you consistently felt unseen or unheard? A student's eagerness to participate, share ideas, or collaborate diminishes when they feel marginalized. Fostering genuine relationships isn't merely an educational tactic; it's a life skill, foundational to a thriving learning or work environment.

Harvard School of Education: Teacher-Student Relationships Matter

Sage Journals: Teacher–Student Relationships and Student Engagement: A Systematic Review

Teaching is Not Just Business, It’s Personal

When I received Kaleigh's initial eighth-grade report card, the heavy burden of D’s and F’s struck me, broken only by a solitary A in science. Kaleigh, with her quiet presence and underlying insecurities, consistently tested as academically gifted. Yet, she perpetually grappled with finding her footing among her peers. Seeking clarity, I attended a conference surrounded by her four main content teachers and a counselor.

"Tell me one thing about my daughter," I asked, voice trembling with emotion. Of all present, three mispronounced her name and portrayed her as being lazy or incapable. The sense of isolation Kaleigh must have felt hit me like a tidal wave. As well as anger at the injustice and dismissive attitude they displayed.

Then, the science teacher spoke. Not only did she correctly pronounce Kaleigh's name, but she also shared personal details about our family. She saw Kaleigh. She recognized her. And it reflected in Kaleigh’s stellar science performance.

That day, amidst the sterile conference room, I wanted to weep for my daughter— lost, invisible, and disconnected to nearly all but one. The importance of being seen and feeling valued in the classroom became undeniably clear. Every educator has the opportunity, and responsibility, to ensure each student knows they belong and are cherished for who they are.

School Psychology: The Quality of Social Relationships in Schools and Adult Health

Bridging Classroom Connections

At any well-hosted event, a thoughtful host bridges connections among guests, noting shared interests or experiences. "Tom, meet Bianca. Both of you have two young boys." Such introductions can be the spark that lights up a conversation and fosters camaraderie. In the classroom, educators play a similar role, guiding students to form connections with their peers. For a student like Kaleigh, such connections could make the difference between flourishing and floundering.

Many students find themselves feeling like outsiders when stepping into unfamiliar classrooms, and this feeling of detachment can pose both academic and social challenges. But as educators, we are uniquely positioned to change that narrative. We bear the responsibility of cultivating an inclusive environment. By creating opportunities for interactions and nurturing a sense of belonging, we can affirm every student's worth and place in the classroom community.

Routledge Press: Peer Group Influences on Students’ Academic Motivation

Choosing Curiosity Over Assumptions

While it's essential to help students connect with each other and make them feel welcome, it's equally crucial to understand them individually. When faced with unexpected behaviors or challenges, choosing to be curious about a student's background, experiences, and feelings can make all the difference. It's about pausing and asking, "Why might this student be behaving this way?" rather than making a snap judgment. We'll delve deeper into the transformative power of curiosity in teaching in an upcoming article, but for now, remember: every act of understanding starts with a simple question.

Neurologist and educator Judy Willis: The Value of Active Listening

Some Great Resources

Here are some excellent resources to help you get off on the right foot.

Greet students individually each day: This simple gesture can show students that you care about them and value their presence in your classroom.
Start with a brief writing prompt that encourages students to share about themselves: This can help students get to know each other and build a sense of community in the classroom.
Larry Ferlazzo: Start the Year With a ‘Primary Focus’ on Relationship-Building
Facing History and Ourselves: Activities for the First Day of School
BrainZones: 10 Great Back to School Activites - Google Slides for the start of the year.
BrainZones: Stone Conversation Starters

The Heart of Discipline

In the realm of education, many look for complex solutions to the challenge of classroom discipline. Yet, as we journey through the world of teaching, it becomes evident that the most potent tool is not punitive measures, but the power of connection. By fostering genuine relationships, recognizing each student, and creating an environment where everyone feels seen and valued, we cultivate a classroom where discipline issues naturally diminish. As we move forward, remember this: the unexpected answer to classroom discipline lies not in strict rules, but in the meaningful connections we build. In every interaction, every lesson, and every gesture, let's prioritize connection above all else.

PD Suggestion for Principals on Teachers First Day:

Print this article and three others from the provided resources.
Divide the staff into four initial groups, assigning each group a different article to delve into and discuss.
Afterward, re-form the groups, ensuring each new group contains members who've explored different articles.
Each member then summarizes the main points from their respective articles, promoting knowledge sharing.
The new group collaboratively reflects on the strategies and decides what might be most effective in their classrooms.
Conclude by distributing the links to all the articles, ensuring teachers can reference them as needed.

Have a great start to the 23-24 school year. Reach out if you have any questions or find yourself floundering and we will help where we are able.

Kind Regards,

Debbie